two jobs

I believe there are two main jobs that a mom has. They are:

1. Protect our children

2. Teach our children to love one another

Which of these two jobs is more important? Are they equal?

I have recently finished a book called "Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet" by Jamie Ford. The anti protagonist is Henry Lee's father. The setting of the story takes place in early 1940 WWII in China and Japan town, Seattle, WA. The father is a Chinese nationalist and very fearful of people mistaking his son to be Japanese. He requires Henry to wear a pin that says "I am Chinese" and sends him to a school with white children. He also forbids him to associate with the Japanese. This boy disobeys his father and befriends a Japanese girl named Keiko Okabe. At one point in the story Henry even hides Keiko's family heirlooms in his house. A severe crime. He father finds out and disowns his son.

In the book this father is portrayed as a unloving, heartless man. But is he really? I believe he was a scared and over protective parent who wanted to protect his son. Many Americans, at this time, mistook Chinese for Japanese. Associating with them could bring harm to his son and their family.

Should we praise Henry for disobeying his father? Was his father trying to protect Henry or was he merely unkind and intolerant? Perhaps he could be viewed as simply being focused on his family's safety. Does this justify his behavior?

I don't face this particular challenge but still have a strong desire to protect my children from situations I perceive as dangerous. What about the woman/man who I pass in the grocery store who looks at my child and gives me the creeps? The stranger who comes to my door selling something? The neighbor across the street who has a drinking problem? Don't I also send the message, "Stay away, stay far away. I am protecting you?" So, is Henry's father really a heartless, unloving man? Are we, if we act like Henry's father?

little boxes

Those who know me know that I like boxes. I love to fit things into boxes and label them. I remember one day when I was younger my girl friend had a pair of shoes laying on the floor. There was also a box on the floor. I was going to fit those shoes into that box. I just knew they would fit. I tried hard, then my friend gave me a odd look of crazy so I stopped. Now, I not only like tangible boxes but also like them in a figurative way. Right now my four year old is in that frame of mind. He is always trying to figure out which box, folder or category that his new found information fits into. Asking question after question to figure out, "How does this fit?" The past few weeks he has been frustrated about a "pair of shoes" that just doesn't fit.

He was invited to a friend's birthday party on Sunday. Our family has made the choice that Sundays are family and church days and not friend's birthday party days. He knows that but it was his best friend. What was he going to do? He decided he was going to think about it. The next day his conclusion was to call the friend's mother and tell them to just change the party. His friend's mom was just confused he must tell her that Sundays are not birthday party days! I informed my four year old that his friend's family has not made that choice. Then my son got what my sister and brother call a "brain overload." He just freezes, makes a weird face and tries to process.

So, how do we teach our kids that their values and the way they live their lives does not have to be the same as everyone else? How do we teach our kids that, no matter what, we still stick to our values? Sometimes the labels on our boxes should change and sometimes they just should not. It's okay that we are not all the same.